theappleppielifestyle:

pt. 4 hot mess aus:

• ‘we keep getting arrested at the same protests and at this point i think i’m only starting fights with policemen so i can sit next to you in holding’ au
  
• ‘you’re the on-call doctor on saturday nights and i’m purposely injuring myself so i can attempt to chat you up while you give me stitches but i s2g the first four times were accidents i just got too attached’ au
  
• ‘you climbed into the taxi next to me and passed out and the taxi driver made me haul you out of his taxi so he can get more customers and now i’m on the side of the road holding you up by your armpits and hoping you don’t vomit on me’ au
  
• ‘we started going home together but i was convinced i knew a faster way to your apartment so we took a wrong turn and now we’re lost and drunk and a little cold’ au
  
• ‘we’re two thirds of the threesome we had last night and we’re walking awkwardly out of the last persons’s apartment together’ au
  
• ‘i’ve had a really awful day so i started kicking a car out of frustration and it turned out to be your car i’m so sorry’ au